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Bucket Head Bandit

July 25, 2015 Hastings and Hastings

According to a report published on, a burglar who was a former employee at an establishment attempted burglary with a bucket on his head. Obviously, using a bucket for a disguise is far from ideal. The reason being obvious, id est the obstruction of vision inherent while wearing a bucket on one’s head. Indeed, in order to gain vision, the bucket must be lifted up, thus interfering with the bucket’s original purpose, facial concealment. Obviously, this master thief failed to think ahead, and for that, his heist failed miserably.

It seems likely that the burglar in question stumbled into his previous place of employment with the clear mission of stealing whatever assets he could find. But, after waddling into the business in question, he must have remembered that the company in question had security cameras installed in his desired location of burglary (at this point, his crime had already failed). But the burglar in question was ambitious, for he attempted to quickly conceal his identity by leaving the security camera’s scope only to return obscured with a bucket upon his head.

How the burglar managed to proceed with his pillaging and looting at this point remains somewhat of a mystery. Anyone who’s had a bucket on their head knows that you can’t see anything. He must have sporadically tilted the bucket upwards in order to gain some semblance of vision.

To add insult to injury, the burglar in question then attempted to break into a pawn shop. It was at this point that the bucket head bandit was reprimanded by the authorities and brought to justice. The police questioned him about what he was doing in the pawn shop, to which he responded, stealing a gun “because he was afraid of the possibility of future control laws being passed.”